Monday, May 11, 2015

How long can this anniversary last?

I was hoping he'd be fine after May 8th. Now it's May 11th and he hasn't really been fine. He's not reporting panic attacks anymore but now the symptoms seem to be morphing into reliving his feelings 5 years ago. The big difference is 5 years ago he was still totally amped up on adrenaline? or whatever chemical makes you be able to withstand pain and discomfort until you've achieved your goal. Now he's not amped up on anything. He's fully feeling the depression, the fear and worry, the physical sickness (migraines, headaches, sleeplessness, stomachaches) that happens to him when he's emotionally upset. He hasn't had restful sleep in 4 or 5 days now. He's not remembering his dreams which very strange for him!

The thought that this sickness fog could last until.....the end of June? which is when he got to leave for Afghanistan again; the end of August? which is when he finally returned back to Ft. Lewis on the orders that he was NOT returning to the war; the beginning of November? which is when his unit finally returned home safe and he could be fully home too. I just don't like those options. That's a long time for him to be like this and I'd be really afraid of where that length of sickness would take him.

Calling the VA doesn't seem like an option. They'd probably want to put him on a new medication, change one that he's currently taking, or get him in to see a therapist who will likely be a moron that will only end up pissing him off.

Do I try to just find someone on my own? I'm going to at least have to see what I can come up with there. In the meantime he's in a state of hurt and confusion and I can feel his pain from the other room.

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