Saturday, January 7, 2012

Lots of emotional hills to climb

During our discovery process Dean has come a LONG way emotionally. Initially he was ashamed to be "broken". He thought he wasn't a man anymore. He knew he couldn't work so now what was he supposed to do? I was mourning the future I thought we would have while trying to stay strong for him and letting him know that we will figure it all out and will be just fine. He was depressed on top of everything else.

In seeing all the things he needed me to do for him, I began to really get my new "job" down to a science. When I wasn't directly helping him, I was trying to figure out how we were going to pay our bills, networking with other wounded warrior wives, and reading about his injuries. During the months and months of VA appointments, Dean couldn't drive so I was it. He would have 10 to 20 appointments a month. All of this business began to take its toll on me. I was getting burnt out. Along with helping Dean, I was still being little Dean's mom. Add to those roles the fact that living with a PTSD-TBI veteran was NO picnic and there was lots of fighting due to misunderstandings, fighting due to him feeling dispair, lots of hurting my feelings because he was misunderstanding our whole situation. I would worry that he would kill himself because I knew he thought we'd be better off financially if he were dead and he was alone with no one to truly understand what he was going through. I had no time for me and I was getting emotionally & mentally beat down by our circumstances! I became depressed.

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