My song

A husband with a TBI and PTSD means that most of the time he doesn't share his feelings for me with me. I have to ask or prompt him. In his world, he loves me and just thinks he tells me so of course I should know, and he's content. In my world, he's distant and busy and is always giving something else his attention and focusing so hard on it that he can't spare even a look in my direction, and I'm lonely. Even when I'm working close to him helping him figure something out or research something or complete a task there are no "feelings" there...it's only work.

Music has this very special place in Dean's life. He has it playing all the time in his shop so he can hear it in the distance even when he's out in the pasture. It's like when it's playing that means his engine is running. It gives him the right fuel for his brain to stay on track. Without it he makes more mistakes, is more frustrated, and not in a very good mood. With it on he's smiling, singing, focused, processing pretty well, and takes these little walks on memory lane in the deep recesses of his past. Music always takes him to a place where used to be and allows him to visit his life before his injuries. It's such a joyous blessing for him to have the secret passageway to his past while its also sad to know that music is the only connection to this happiness. 

With all his day-to-day seriousness and distance it is the most wonderful gift he could give me when he hears a song over and over in his shop and one day, when I happen to be in there while it's playing, he tells me "Oh here's your song" and he does his little, happy, jive dance around the garage while singing it to me :)

I remember this song from when I was younger but I had to run in the house to look up the lyrics. They really do sound like his sentiments! He is a simple man of few words. When he says words he doesn't embellish or otherwise make words bigger than his message. When he says something he carefully chooses his words and mean their literal dictionary meaning and he even uses words to mean what there origins are. He's got a word thing...haha.

So, here's my song:   (enjoy :) I am)
Right Down The Line

You know I need your love
You've got that hold over me
Long as I've got your love
You know that I'll never leave
When I wanted you to share my life
I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you woman
Right down the line

I know how much I lean on you
Only you can see
The changes that I've been through
Have left a mark on me
You've been as constant as a Northern Star
The brightest light that shines
It's been you woman right down the line

I just wanna say this is my way
Of tellin' you everything
I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of tellin' you
That every day I'm lovin' you so much more
'Cause you believed in me through my darkest night
Put somethin' better inside of me
You brought me into the light
Threw away all those crazy dreams
I put them all behind
And it was you woman
Right down the line

I just wanna say this is my way of tellin' you everything
I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of tellin' you
Everything I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of tellin' you
That every day I'm lovin' you so much more

If I should doubt myself, if I'm losing ground
I won't turn to someone else
They'd only let me down
When I wanted you to share my life
I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you woman
Right down the line